Soul wandering

29Jan2016

We should stop using "soul searching" as a term for when we want to be alone in our thoughts or travel to some far flung destination to find ourselves again.

We can't find something that's not lost...our soul is part of who we were, who we are and who we will be.

Travel from the north to the south poles of the globe but if you don't recognize that all you've been searching for is right inside you; you will never find peace.

I'd like to call it a wandering. Let our souls wander to the ends of the earth, to be free, to see and be seen, to feel and to touch, to hear and to listen, to taste, to smell and to breathe in everything and nothing all at once.

Forget for an eternal moment all that is past and find strength to face the future. To find where we lost our step with God, and accept that in all this, He is mighty and have forgiven us.

And maybe, just maybe, once our wandering is over, our souls will be content and whole again.

A Decade of You

18Jan2016

Here I go again with my obsessive nature. 
Why do I always pine for the wrong guy? The one who will clearly not give me the time of day or their love. 

If I pray for anything right now, it's the courage to quit while I'm ahead, but I know that will just progress this feeling. So I am trying not to feel too much, but still the repressed feeling of nearly a decade of liking someone is rushing ahead like a flood and sweeping me on.

The short fleeting moments of joy I get when he bestows me a smile or a hello literally makes me weak.
But I know there's no way for us. 

Like ever.

Anger management

Fine, I have anger management issues...so thank you very much for sticking up to the asshole who bought gifts at the last minute of your Christmas party because y'all gave him the evil eye when I've been saying he was gonna do it again because he's a first class dick. Stick it up your fucking arse for all I care.

Crazy bush dwelling guy

20nov2015

I died the first time you said hello; with the sun illuminating you from behind and casting your blonde hair an almost angelic glow. 

I knew then I wouldn't survive the ordeal, but like with most everything I've done with my life, I was careless and too stubborn in my crazy ways.

I feel I never did love you, as someone once told me, I couldn't fall in love, I only obsess. It doesn't hurt when I think of you, but it does make me sad and a tad bit embarrassed of all the stunts and antics I pulled off to make you notice me. 

I died because you were the epitome of who I wanted in my life but I can't have and don't deserve.

My friends laugh at how I mourned over something that never was and never will, and most times I do laugh with them. Such is my fate. 

When I do find myself thinking of you, the tears come, not because of the what ifs, but of how stupid I was to delude myself that you would look at me like I was all you needed in your life.

x.
d