20nov2015
I died the first time you said hello; with the sun illuminating you from behind and casting your blonde hair an almost angelic glow.
I knew then I wouldn't survive the ordeal, but like with most everything I've done with my life, I was careless and too stubborn in my crazy ways.
I feel I never did love you, as someone once told me, I couldn't fall in love, I only obsess.
It doesn't hurt when I think of you, but it does make me sad and a tad bit embarrassed of all the stunts and antics I pulled off to make you notice me.
I died because you were the epitome of who I wanted in my life but I can't have and don't deserve.
My friends laugh at how I mourned over something that never was and never will, and most times I do laugh with them. Such is my fate.
When I do find myself thinking of you, the tears come, not because of the what ifs, but of how stupid I was to delude myself that you would look at me like I was all you needed in your life.
x.
d
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